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Post by readilygrey on Aug 16, 2012 23:27:33 GMT -5
Probably the very beginning because action without internal monologue creates a mystery and draws readers in (although your story accomplished this anyway, but it would heighten the effect) then when the craft enters the water. Possibly when she realizes she is screaming and also when she wants to rescue her craft. Basically I would remove any internal monologue in those scenes and have more descriptions of the action that takes place. But that is in no way the only way to go with this. You can also head the other direction and immerse the whole thing in her thoughts. If you have the energy to do it sometime (and I emphasize that this is not necessary, your story is fine) just for the sake of creativity and experimentation, I would love to see how you would reshape this.
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