Shades of Love

[Sparrow]

My brother has just asked me to do a reading at his wedding!! (September 16th) Gaah!! He said he would prefer it to be something I have written, though in a pinch I can pick a poem that I like of someone else's. So I have this draft of a poem I wrote nearly a year ago, and wonder if it will be good, with a little tweaking.

Shades of Love


What color should love be?
Yellow is the love
of a mother for her baby-
beaming and warm,
like quilted down
that softens her world.
Green tints the love
between siblings-
the color of growing things.
They meet the days together,
and twist like vines,
maturing with a verdant flourish.
Violet shades the love
of friendship,
loyal and uplifting-
the flavor of a fine wine,
it soothes the troubled soul.
An elderly couple's love is indigo-
rich and deep, with the constancy
of an evening's ocean,
where waves lap easily
upon the golden shore.
Red paints, with bright streaks,
the rush of new love-
it runs hot through the body,
while the mind is aflame
in crimson.
And what color
is our love..?
Perhaps it is fashioned from
a piece of each of these-
an arching rainbow
that reaches,
in misted gladness,
from solid earth
up to the heavens.


What do ya think?

[PaperGrace]

I like it!

An elderly couple's love is indigo-
rich and deep, with the constancy
of an evening's ocean,
where waves lap easily
upon the golden shore.

This one pulled me out of the flow (though I think it is my favorite), I don't know if it was the phrase 'elderly couple' or that it didn't start with the color and then move on the the 'who' like the others did. Is there another way to open this? Rather than Elderly maybe something like 'those long married' or BLANK (I'm totally drawing a blank. Sorry.) I almost think that new love should come before elderly love too.

[scribbliz]

That section felt a little rough to me too, though the concept behind it is also my favorite. I would also add spaces between each colour section for easier reading (but that's just me). Maybe something like:
Indigo floods the long lived love,
Rich and deep, with the consistancy
of an evening's ocean....
(PS, feel free to disregard all my ideas, i won't be offended at all!)

[Sparrow]

Thank-you PaperGrace and Scribbliz, you have both given me a starting point for editing this very rough piece! Your points are well taken.... I will work on this some more and post the changes!

[scribbliz]

sparrow, this is such a sweet piece, i can't wait to read your revisions