Background (The music plays)

[scribbliz]

The music plays
So softly
Almost forgotten
In the background of your life

The rhythm flows
Steady and strong
Like the beat of a heart
In the background of your life

A soothing tune
A whisper of sound
Barely heard
In the background of your life

A constant hum
Persistant, relentless,
Of dreams unrealized
In the background of your life

The music speaks
Sharing a story
Of thoughts unspoken
In the background of your life

The sweetest of notes
Chiming a song
Of who you should be
In the background of your life

The lonely beat
Constant, forever
The music plays
In the background of your life







k, I am thinking of changing one thing, and want thoughts on it: the fourth stanza starts with "A constant hum" and the last stanza starts with "A lonely beat". I am thinking of swapping these two lines (changing the word constant for relentless, perhaps?), so the fourth stanza would read

A lonely beat
Persistant, relentless,
Of dreams unrealized
In the background of your life

and the last one would read:

A relentless hum
Constant, forever
The music plays
In the background of your life

thoughts?

[PaperGrace]

I do think 'lonely beat' pairs better with 'dreams unrealized'
I'm not sure how I feel about 'relentless hum' maybe something with less negative connotations for the end?

[scribbliz]

thanks paper. i wrote this late last night, so it'sstill rough; i'll do some thinking on that last section, and then post revisions.

[scribbliz]

The music playes
So softly
Almost forgotten
In the background of your life

The rhythm flows
Steady and strong
Like the beat of a heart
In the background of your life

A soothing tune
A whisper of sound
Barely heard
In the background of your life

The lonely beat
Persistant, relentless,
Of dreams unrealized
In the background of your life

The music speaks
Sharing a story
Of thoughts unspoken
In the background of your life

The sweetest of notes
Chiming a song
Of who you should be
In the background of your life

Wild and free
Constant, forever
The music plays
In the background of your life

[PaperGrace]

I like it!

[Sparrow]

I like it the way you have it the second time too. The metaphor of the background music like a heartbeat is wonderful! I also love the "lonely beat" being "of dreams unrealized". The verses mimic a sing-song rhythm too. A beautiful melancholy poem, just perfect for this time of year, in my opinion!