Carrion Princess

[flesheater]

Yes, I know, I have a thing with princesses. They're beautiful and it contrasts my ugliness in my writing perfectly .

It's almost time for the dead to walk the earth and with that occasion coming upon us I wrote this little bit for Halloween.

I see nothing moves in Dark Fiction when I'm not posting ;D.

So for an update on material and my writing...I have one more I can add here as well.


P.S. This ending is "cheesy" but I like that its reminiscent of my favorite old Horror films!


Carrion Princess


Seasonal scents whirl and intertwine wildly amidst the icy zephyr that howls in hollow whispers as it caresses the crisp night air. Luminescent colors of the commenced dead rise and fall as they dance and frolic in the sullen hues portrayed under the twilit sky. Diabolical laughter echos beneath blood curdling screams, filling this haunting atmosphere in daemonic hysteria. Tonight the spirit of Allhallows Eve pervades these cold, dark byways of the dead. Chaos reigns in a sinister fashion and many hide themselves in macabre garments for the maniacal occasion.

This night embraces long forgotten secrets within its shadows. Those that partake in the customary ceremony are oblivious to the malevolent truths that are whispered within the dark. The only denizens not participating in the ritualistic, sadistic anarchy are those of the churches clergy and its elder followers. They coddle their crucifixes under the eyes of their God, obeying the command of his word, defying the ancient Druid's rituals.



“My name is David. Would a princess as lovely as you, care to share a dance with a demon like me?”

“Why I would be delighted!” The princesses voice echoed with a colonial accent.

David had never had the courage to ask any woman to dance, except on this night. With his face hidden under the devilish make up and his lanky body shrouded beneath a dark cape he felt an overwhelming confidence residing under the disguise.

“I hope you don't mind me asking; but why would such an elegant princess cover her face in a mask? Surely you have nothing to hide.”

“You are a gentleman indeed! However, much like you I too have secrets to keep beneath this costumed face.”

David's mind pondered over the princesses answer. It was how she answered.

“How had she known I was hiding something under this costume?” He asked himself.

The thought hadn't captured his attention for very long however. Her perfume lingered and teased his nostrils as it tantalized his most infernal desires. Seemingly, the fragrant gesture entranced him like a beautifully grotesque phantasm, alluring him to damnation as he followed carelessly like a lamb to the slaughter. Her glowing blue eyes peered into his soul through that glittering mask. It felt as if they'd become one in that moment; their inner entities entangled in seductive manners amidst a dark sea in an unknown realm.

“Will you come with me David? Will you follow me?”

The words crept from her lips insidiously. She had David's soul embraced, possessed.

“Yes...yes I will.” His voice resonated emptily, as if it were lifeless.

“Very good, follow me David.”

Her words swirled in mesmeric tones within David's ears and mind. Her voice mimicked the intonations of wild animals that come to life under a moonless night, painting beautiful images of fallen angels.

“Follow me David. Follow me and never look back.”

David heard nothing but her voice as he followed her. The hellish screams of the living that mocked the dead and the din of jesters that plagued the air had vanished.

She ran ahead, holding his hand, looking back into his eyes only momentarily. David's vision blurred like a reverie that was descending into a void. He hadn't even noticed that the world he knew had long since past, that they were running aimlessly through absolute nothingness. Her long, beautiful blonde hair flowed rhythmically like a candle flame that danced freely amidst the darkness. She radiated like a celestial creature, emitting an effervescent golden glow from her pallid skin and her white gown as they traveled deeper into the black world.

When their toils ceased within that vast abyss, they stood before an immensely grotesque door. Morbid decorations of humans, desperately searching for salvation littered the gate. They writhed and slithered like snakes amidst a sea of agonizing screams that spewed forth from their tortured souls.

“Follow me David. Please say you'll follow me.”

“I'll follow you my princess.” His voice sounded obedient, vacant of any personality.

They stepped through the hideous door into a hellish realm of agony. Encompassing them was a swirling thunderous sky that clamored in tortured screams chanting incantations of the dead. Decrepit hands that reeked of decayed flesh clawed and groped David's life filled body. They wanted what he had, they yearned to feel that essence of life once more.

“Look into my eyes David. Never look away.”

“Yes my princess.”

The princess slowly lifted her mask to reveal her hidden face. Fragments of grayed, slimy, carrion skin peeled in thin layers as the mask was lifted off her maggot ridden face. Those blue eyes shone through the vile portrait like two burning emeralds.

“Kiss me David. Make our love eternal. Please, please kiss me now.”

The princess led David's face closer and closer to hers. One kiss was all it took to return to the living; to pay the Devil a soul for your own. Her eyes gleamed into his, never waning.

Her cold, wretched breath permeated his nostrils and his warm, life ridden breath hers as their lips grew nearer. David's face winced as one of the rotten hands grasped the back of his neck, tearing through his skin. Warm blood poured from the gnarled flesh as he relinquished a horrifying scream, breaking the spell of those enchanting dead eyes.

Her hands had his head clasped between them tightly as her lips silenced the sound of his petrified screams in an instant. She engulfed his escaping din of horror within her as his life streamed through her rotten, foetid body. David's flush, empty corpse fell before her feet. The dead trampled the cadaver, ravishing it as David stood amidst the virulent waves of the dead, watching his demise.

Those trapped within the realm knew they couldn't touch her, for if they did the Devil would devour their souls, leaving them bound eternally to an even more wretched existence.

The princess stepped out from the abysmal corridor, through the gateway of Hell and into the world of the living once again. She inhaled a deep breath of the chilled October air as it rushed through her nostrils, filling her lungs with its piercing coldness. She had returned at last; to remain forever. Those that reach the realm of the living, that escape from the deviled ancestral realm were granted immortality, to never taste the breath of death again.

Her white gown glistened under the moonlight as she made her way through the desolate graveyard.

“Lucifer has fulfilled his promise and I shall uphold my end of the bargain. Men, women, children; this town shall burn for what they did to me. They'll all burn.”

The Princess hissed those condemning words in a sinister whisper as she made her way into the now empty Salem streets.

[flesheater]

As a note...this is a first draft.

[Freedom]

I liked the ending

[readilygrey]

I like the ending too. The story reads very well, remarkably well for a first draft (although I'm starting to think mine are just a lot rougher than everyone else's).

I have one small suggestion to take or discard as you see fit.

##GRUESOMENESS WARNING## for anyone reading this other than Matthew.

The phrase "her maggot ridden face" doesn't have as much impact as the first half of the sentence. Switching to another sense, such as sound might balance this out. According to my sister-in-law (a paramedic) maggots make a popping noise when consuming flesh. Maybe something to make the reader really FEEL the reality of how repulsive maggots are... Just a thought.

It's funny that you mention the princess thing. My husband and I were just talking about the whole concept of princesses tonight. We keep watching kid's shows with our sons where every little girl wants to be a princess. Both sons seem to think princesses are awesome, but it's strange to me because I don't think I've ever, not for even a second, wanted to be a princess. I'm kind of baffled by the whole phenomenon. I always wanted to be a detective, or a spy, or have magical abilities. Anyway, this is completely off topic, and I don't think there is anything wrong with having princesses in your stories. I went through a phase where I put spoiled, young-adult, princes in everything just because I was greatly amused by watching them struggle when forced to deal with life outside their royal element. Never deny your muse ;D

[flesheater]

Hey! Thanks for those sickly details about maggots!

I just saw a maggot for the first time in a long time in a black walnut; things are rather repulsive.

I will definitely add more juicy details to this, this week for sure. I want to describe her life filled body a bit more and perhaps open the story with a sermon.

[flesheater]

Draft #2

Sorry Readily; I couldn't figure out a way to get the noise of the maggots in there.

I'm not sure if the describing the atmosphere, sitting in on a church sermon and then moving onto a Halloween ball works or not...I'll let you guys decide. I wanted to capture the insanity some religious freaks make over the Halloween season.

Carrion Princess
by Matthew A. Campbell

Seasonal scents whirl and intertwine wildly, within icy zephyrs that howl in hollow whispers as they caress the crisp night air. The luminescent colors of the commenced dead rise and fall, dancing and frolicking in sullen hues portrayed under a twilit sky. Diabolical laughter echoes beneath blood curdling screams, filling this haunting atmosphere in a din of demonic hysteria. Tonight, the spirit of Allhallows Eve pervades these cold, dark byways of the dead. Chaos reigns in a sinister fashion, and many hide themselves in macabre garments for the maniacal occasion, while others huddle in fear within the confines of the churches.

“Fear not, my brothers and sisters! For our lord Jesus Christ will guide you and protect you. He shall preside over you as you walk amongst those heathens. The power of the holy spirit and the grace of the father shall shield you from the Devil, and compel you to seek the light in his name.”

The words broke through the stale air of the church, falling upon the ears of the
clergy and the eldest followers that sat beneath the pulpit. Chilled, aged hands coddled crucifixes before the eyes of a crucified Christ, their heads bowed in obedience. Tears poured from the eyes of those murmuring silent prayers as the discordant sounds of Hell pummeled the stained glass windows. The priest’s words were confined to the house of worship; the unhallowed air that bayed relentlessly outside of those walls, speaking in foul tongues, relinquishing long forgotten secrets within the dark, muted his holy prayers.

The clamoring sounds of Hell rang excitedly from the community hall, which sat next to the church on Main Street. Demons, witches, princesses and a variety of other fantastical creatures sought salvation here. The beautiful mingled with the hideous in abhorred ways in the celebration of Halloween. Elaborate balls, comprised of denizens garnished in elegant costumes, had vanquished the ancient Druidic incantations and ritualistic ceremonies that once represented the festivities of Samhain.

The wealthy hosts’ bolstered with such sinful pride at the conjuring of their grand banquets. The night, they thought, was theirs to commit their anarchic desires as drunkard, disordered citizens. However, this night belonged to the dead. It was the one night they were granted to walk amongst the living, freed from that ancestral world that held them captive. These modern celebrations inspired the dead to relish in their privilege, to accompany the living in their festivities and seek out souls to pay their dues.


“My name is David. Would a princess as lovely as you, care to share a dance with a demon like me?”


“Why I would be delighted!”

The princess’s voice resounded in a Bostonian colonial accent through the tumultuous hall.

David had never had the courage to ask any woman to dance, except on this night. With his face hidden under the devilish make up and his lanky body shrouded beneath a dark cape, he felt an overwhelming confidence residing under the disguise. The princess, in here most celestial display, had captured his attention, and David found himself mysteriously drawn to her.

“I hope you don't mind me asking; but why would such an elegant princess cover her face in a mask? Surely you have nothing to hide.”


“You are a gentleman indeed! However, much like you I too have secrets to keep beneath this costumed face.”

David's mind pondered over the princess’s answer. The peculiarity of her voice seemed
as if she knew something, as if she had delved into the deepest recesses of his mind.

“How had she known I was hiding something under this costume?”

He asked himself.

The thought hadn't kept his attention for very long however. Her perfume lingered and
teased his nostrils, tantalizing his most infernal desires. Seemingly, the fragrant gesture entranced him like a beautifully grotesque phantasm, alluring him to damnation as he followed carelessly like a lamb to the slaughter. Her glowing blue eyes peered into his soul through that glittering mask. It felt as if they'd become one in that moment; their inner entities entangled in seductive manners amidst a dark sea in an unknown realm.

“Will you come with me David? Will you follow me?”

The words crept from her lips insidiously. She had David's soul embraced, possessed.

“Yes...yes I will.”

His voice resonated emptily, as if it were lifeless.

“Very good, follow me David.”

Her words swirled in mesmeric tones within David's ears and mind. Her voice mimicked
the intonations of wild animals that come to life under a moonless night, painting beautiful images of fallen angels.

“Follow me David. Follow me and never look back.”

David heard only her voice as he followed her. The hellish screams of the living that mocked the dead, and the din of jesters that plagued the air had vanished. Her voice harmoniously enchanted the air, drowning David in utter oblivion; the world could have crumbled beneath his feet and he would not have known.

She ran ahead, holding his hand, looking back into his eyes only momentarily. David's vision blurred like a reverie that descended into a dark void. He hadn't even noticed that the world he knew had long since passed, that they were running aimlessly through absolute nothingness. Her long, beautiful blonde hair flowed rhythmically like a candle flame that danced freely amidst the shadows. She radiated like a celestial creature, emitting an effervescent golden glow from her pallid skin. Her gown transmuted from heavenly white to a sinister crimson as they traveled deeper into the black world.

When their toils ceased within that omnipresent abyss, they stood before an immense door. Morbid decorations of humans, desperately searching for salvation littered the gate. They writhed and slithered like snakes amidst a sea of agonizing screams that spewed forth from their tortured souls.

“Follow me David. Please say you'll follow me.”

“I'll follow you my princess.”

His voice echoed vacantly as he obediently answered.

They stepped into the hideous door of the condemned. It swallowed them into a hellish realm of malice and depravity. Encompassing them was a swirling thunderous sky that clamored in dying screams, chanting incantations of the dead. Mangled hands that reeked of decayed flesh clawed and groped David's life filled body. They wanted what he had; they yearned to feel the essence of life once more.

“Look into my eyes David.”

“Yes my princess.”

“Never look away David.”

The princess slowly lifted her mask to reveal her hidden face. Fragments of grayed, slimy, carrion skin peeled in thin layers as she lifted it from her maggot ridden face. Those blue eyes shone through the vile portrait like two fiery emeralds.

“Kiss me David. Make our love eternal. Please, please kiss me now.”

The princess led David's face closer and closer to hers. One kiss was all it took to return to the living; to pay the Devil a soul for your own. Her eyes gleamed into his, never waning.

The scent of her cold breath reeked of vomit and his of warm brandy as it filled the void of their ever nearing lips. David's face winced as one of the rotten hands grasped the back of his neck, tearing through his flesh. Warm blood poured from the gnarled tissue as he relinquished a dreadful scream, breaking the spell of those enchanting dead eyes.

Her hands held his head clasped between them tightly as her lips silenced the sound of his petrified screams in an instant. She engulfed the escaping din of horror within her as his life streamed through her rotten, fetid body. David's face strained as he suffocated. The veins of his face protruded like roots of a tree as his complexion fell pale and his empty corpse fell before her feet. The dead trampled the cadaver. They ravished his now lifeless body as David stood amidst the virulent waves of the dead, watching his demise.

Those trapped within the realm knew they couldn't touch her, for if they did the Devil would devour their souls, leaving them bound eternally to an even more wretched existence. Her new life induced flesh tempted them as she stepped from within the abysmal corridor, through the gateway of Hell, and into the world of the living once again.

She inhaled a deep breath of the chilled October air as it rushed through her nostrils, filling her lungs with its piercing coldness. She had returned at last. It is known, under the laws of the dead, that those whom reach the realm of the living, which escape from the deviled ancestral realm are granted immortality; to never taste the breath of death again. The princess reveled in this recollection as she let forth a wretched laugh.

Her white gown glistened under the moonlight as she made her way through the desolate graveyard. Her succulent blonde hair shimmered with vivaciousness and the glow of her cold, blue eyes shone brightly in through the nimbus fog that shrouded the earth.

“Lucifer has fulfilled his promise and I shall uphold my end of the bargain. Men, women, children; this town shall burn for what they did to me. They'll all burn.”

The Princess hissed those condemning words in a sinister whisper as she made her way
into the now empty Salem streets.

[flesheater]

So I posted this on writingforums.com and had my butt handed to me...one critiqued it in 8 pages (it seemed) telling me what garbage this was and that I needed to try harder. I'll be damned if he wasn't right! I'm cureently rewriting this entire story and it's turning out much, much better.

[flesheater]

Here is my rewrite of this story. I fleshed out David much, much more...the princess is still simply a plot device.

Carrion Princess
by Matthew A. Campbell

Seasonal scents whirl and intertwine wildly, within icy zephyrs that howl in hollow whispers as they caress the crisp night air. Luminescent colors of the commenced dead rise and fall, dancing and frolicking in sullen hues portrayed under a twilit sky. The haunting spirit of Allhallows Eve pervades the atmosphere of the cold, dark streets of this quaint town. Children dressed in macabre garments shout “trick or treat” as they run amuck; their diabolical laughter echoing beneath blood curdling screams, shattering the autumnal serenity and filling Hawthorne Street in a din of demonic hysteria. Tonight chaos reigns in sinister fashion as the townsfolk revel in the maniacal celebration.

David walked amidst the madness like a lone vagrant in a strange town. The cloak and demonic face that adorned him were the only elements saving him from feeling out of place. He smiled coolly as he watched the children run from door to door, their faces gleaming in excitement as their bags grew fuller and fuller. Losing himself in the thought of those careless days when he would partake in trick or treating made him feel less odd. He knew the town’s festive ball was designated for adolescents and adults alike but he still felt awkward dressing up.

Town hall was located in the middle of Hawthorne Street. He could see the building taking shape under the moonlight, just beyond a row of barren elms. The muffled sounds of the Halloween ball penetrated the tumultuous air like a juggernaut, while church bells bellowed in the dark sky far above.

He took a deep breath as he approached the walkway leading to the hall. Jack-o-lanterns lined either side. They seemed to peer at him in hideously peculiar ways. The candles flickered in the gusts of the wind as he passed by and he imagined them mocking and laughing at his cowardice. He hated the idea of attending the ball alone. His friends had no desire to join in the festivities of the evening, and timidity kept him from asking the girl, whom he so desired, to accompany him as well.

‘I don’t need them. I don’t need anyone.’

He thought, as he passed through the entry way of the hall. It was a lie, he knew that, but it boasted his confidence.

“Good evening and welcome to the Hawthorne Street Halloween ball!”

He said nothing, and simply nodded in reply to the wicked voice that emanated the words through the cadence of the cacophonic symphony.

It had been David’s neighbor Mrs. Patterson that greeted him as he entered the hall. She hid herself in the décor of a witch, and though he had deduced the personage beneath the makeup, she hadn’t known who hid underneath the devilish costume; if she had, she surely would have called out his name. The deviance lit a grimacing smile about his face. He relished in the victory of burying his identity from those that knew him best. If a woman that saw him everyday could not recognize him, then certainly others that knew him would be just as dumbfounded.

David found his way to the table that held the hors d’oeuvres and a variety of alcoholic beverages. He drained some ale from one of the barrels into his glass. The cool liquid tasted pleasantly bitter as it washed over his palate. It lingered in his mouth and satiated his nerves.

He mulled over a second glass of ale as he stared at the masked denizens partaking in the carousal. It amused him to see the familiar townsfolk parading around in such morbid pageantry, garnished in elaborate costumes, imitating ghouls, goblins, witches and other fantastic idols of lore. He watched contently as the beautiful mingled with the hideous in abhorred ways. He had never attended the Halloween ball and only heard rumors of the provocative ways in which the guests danced.

‘Provocative was indeed the word for it’, he thought. Never before had he witnessed such public display of carnal lust and affection. The sight aroused in him a sense of strife that felt warm, and left him wanting to shun his puritan values, to revel in sin. He felt shrouded in his makeup and cloak. The temptation brooded within him and he imagined himself hidden from the eyes of God under the guise.

The last of the ale flooded his mouth. He could feel his blood fevering and his courage amassing as he let forth a sigh of satisfaction. It was in that moment of blissfulness that he saw her.

She was a beautiful princess standing amidst a sea of detestable creatures. He choked slightly when his eyes met hers. They were glowing with fervid passion like the clear skies of summer. The dim light that filled the hall seemed to illuminate her in an uncanny glow, reminiscent of the dew basking in the sun on a chilled morning. She was breath taking, and he craved her touch.

‘I must talk to her, I must!’ the words repeated over and over again in his head. Never before had he possessed the courage to speak to a woman concerning more sensual affairs, let alone ask of her to share a dance. The reiterated words drowned his mind in confusion. He had forgotten that he was not himself tonight; that David was not David, but rather a sadistic being from the depths of the dark.

His blundering, rampant mind had led him unknowingly to her. When he’d realized that he was no longer gazing upon the princess from afar he reeled back in astonishment.

“Oh my! Are you alright? Have we had a bit much to drink tonight?”

Her words were sweet, and they seemed to travel with a hint of endearment. Perhaps David imagined the charm of her voice, or perhaps it was the estranged colonial Boston accent she so perfectly imitated; either way they plucked the strings of his palpitating heart.

“Ah; why yes! Yes I’m fine! I do apologize for startlingly you like that.”

“You did surprise me I must say. Though I believe it was I that startled you.”

She let out a petite laugh that filled David’s ears with angelic harmonies. His laugh fell to the way side, like an embarrassed chuckle.

“Yes, well you see, I was captivated by your beauty and was pondering over the idea of asking you to dance.”

David’s eyes went wild in amazement. ‘Where did that come from ol’ chap?’ he said to himself. The blatant courage conjured itself within him, as if it had created its very own life.

“I would love to share a dance with you!”

“Shall we?”

The princess took David’s hand accordingly as he led her into the waves of rhythmic pandemonium. His warmth contrasted her coldness in utter perfection.

As he pulled her closer to him, her perfume lingered and teased his nostrils, tantalizing his most infernal desires. That brooding lustful carnality rushed through David like a wave crashing upon sharp rocks. He felt himself losing control. Their bodies intertwined in mimicked abhorrent sensuality, flowing like a river of defiant souls committing blasphemous adulteries. Her sultry blue eyes captured his once more, as their inner nakedness entangled themselves in seductive, forbidden ways amidst a black sea in an unknown realm.

David felt more alive now than he ever had before. Their bodies communicated in wicked dialect as their lips relinquished heinous whispers capable of fanning the very flames of Hell. He knew this behavior was wrong, that it was ‘blasphemous’ and ‘evil’. He didn’t care. The fervor of sadistic desire burned like an inferno inside of him and he wished for nothing more than to fulfill it.

The musicians played on as the hour grew late. David and the princess lost themselves in the night as the sands of time waned.

“Come! Let us take to the streets! Midnight grows near and soon our celebration shall give way to the saints!”

The voice bellowed from the plump, wealthy host of the elegant banquet.

In an instant the doors of the hall broke loose and the macabre masquerade littered the
streets. The disturbance unsettled the embrace of the two, new found lovers, and they followed the crowd outside.

Town hall sat next to the Hawthorne Street church. Midnight mass had started early this year and those seeking salvation from the Druidic celebration were gathered inside. The maniacal crowd surrounded the church. They jestingly taunted the chapel with unholy obscenities. Tonight, they thought, was their night to commit their most anarchic desires as drunkards. The unhallowed spirits possessed them in their frantic lunacies and powered their deviling words.

“May God banish the wicked and may he have mercy on your souls! You filthy heathens leave this church and its people alone! Be gone I say!”

The words broke through the stale air of the church, falling upon the ears of the
clergy and the eldest followers that hid beneath the pulpit. Chilled, aged hands coddled crucifixes before the eyes of a crucified Christ, their heads bowing in obedience, saving their eyes from the hideous sights of the blasphemers. Tears poured from the eyes of those murmuring silent prayers as the discordant sounds of Hell pummeled the stained glass windows and echoed through the open doorways. The priest’s words were confined to the house of worship; the unhallowed air that bayed relentlessly outside of those walls, speaking in foul tongues, relinquishing long forgotten secrets within the dark, muted his holy prayers.

The clamoring sounds of Hell rang excitedly from the chaotic streets. This night belonged to the dead and to the hellions that celebrated their passing into our world. David had never seen such lunacy. The insanity hadn’t bothered him though; he was too enthralled by his princess to heed condemning words, damning his soul to eternal fire.

“Will you come with me? Will you follow me?”

The words insidiously crept from her lips as they cut through the horrific tumult. She had
David's soul embraced, possessed and she knew he’d follow her.

“Yes...I would follow you anywhere.”

“Very good, follow me.”

Her words swirled in mesmeric tones within David's ears and mind. Her voice imitated
the intonations of wild animals that come to life under moonless nights, painting beautiful images of fallen angels.

“Follow me. Follow me and never look back.”

David heard only her voice as he followed her. The hellish screams of the living that mocked the dead, and the din of jesters that plagued the air had vanished. Her voice harmoniously enchanted the air, drowning David in utter oblivion; the world could have crumbled beneath his feet and he would not have known.

“Where are we going?”

David asked; his voice plummeted further and further into decadence.

“To the cemetery.”

Her words were a whisper, but David heard them perfectly clear.

She ran ahead, holding his hand, looking back at him only momentarily. He could only see her. Mesmerized, his vision captured her like a reverie descending into a black void. Her long, beautiful blonde hair flowed rhythmically like a candle flame that danced freely amidst the shadows. She radiated like a celestial creature, emitting an effervescent golden glow from her pallid skin. Her gown transmuted from heavenly white to a sinister crimson as they neared the cemetery.

‘My lucid princess” David thought.

When their toils ceased they stood before the gates of the graveyard. A tall man donned in a black suit stood like a sentinel at the gate. His pale face portrayed a frightening grimace that was made all the more hideous by his yellow, malformed teeth. The watchman said nothing to the couple as he opened the gate.

“Won’t you shut your eyes? I have a beautiful surprise awaiting you my prince.”

The words soothed the air in their sweetness and David obeyed her command.

A phantasm of perversion washed through his mind as he felt her cold hands clasping his. He could smell her perfume, which permeated the still air as he followed her blindly through that silent landscape of death. She whispered mystical hymns from afar that fluttered in his ears as if her lips were pressed against them, leading him further and further into the unknown. David followed her as his mind fancied the coming surprise.

The princess’s sing song whispers deafened David to the sounds that now corrupted the silence. They stood before an immense door decorated morbidly by humans desperately searching for salvation. Clawing and crawling bodies writhed and slithered like snakes amidst a sea of agonizing screams. It was the sounds of their tortured souls begging for mercy, beckoning to the God of the heavens for forgiveness.

“Follow me. Please say you'll follow me.”

The temptress’s words were no longer innocently sweet but rather sinisterly seductive.

“I'll follow you my princess.”

His voice echoed vacantly as he obediently answered. He was utterly lost now, devoid of any thing reminiscent of himself. The dreams of infernal pleasures conquered his senses.

The princess led David into the hideous gateway of damnation. It swallowed them into a hellish realm of malice and depravity. A swirling, thunderous sky clamored in dying screams. Incantations of the dead chanted like battle cries. The sound of her voice drowned the noxious nightmare in beautiful intonations while mangled hands that reeked of decayed flesh groped David's life filled body. The wave of cold flesh on flesh engulfed him in a maelstrom of vile ecstasy.

They wanted what he had; they yearned to feel the essence of life once more.

The princess slowly lifted her mask to reveal her hidden face. Fragments of grayed, slimy, carrion skin peeled in thin layers as she lifted it from her maggot ridden face. Those blue eyes shone through the vile portrait like two fiery emeralds.

“Kiss me. Make our love eternal. Please, please kiss me now.”

She whispered.

The princess led David's face closer and closer to hers. One kiss was all it took to return to the living; to pay the Devil a soul for your own.

The scent of her cold breath reeked of vomit and his of warm ale as it filled the void of their ever nearing lips. David's face winced as one of the rotten hands grasped the back of his neck, tearing through his flesh. His eyes opened instantly as warm blood poured from the gnarled tissue. He relinquished a dreadful scream as the pain coursed through his nerves.

Her hands held his head clasped between them tightly as her lips silenced the sound of his petrified screams. She engulfed the escaping din of horror within her as his life streamed through her rotten, fetid body. David's face strained as he suffocated. The veins of his face protruded like roots of a tree as his complexion fell pale and his empty corpse fell before her feet. The dead trampled the cadaver. They ravished his now lifeless body as David stood amidst the virulent waves of the dead, watching his soul perish in the damning fires of Hell.

The condemned within the realm knew they couldn't touch her, for if they did the Devil would devour their souls, leaving them bound eternally to an even more wretched existence. Her new life induced flesh tempted them as she stepped from within the abysmal corridor, through the gateway of Hell, and into the world of the living once again.

She inhaled a deep breath of the chilled October air as it rushed through her nostrils, filling her lungs with its piercing coldness. She had returned at last. A devilish smile adorned her face as she thought of the sacrifice her prince offered.

She made her way towards the entrance of the cemetery. The watchmen stood looking at her, his grim smile ever lingering.

“Looking a bit livelier now aren’t we?”

The sentinel asked.

“It’s been a long time watchman; I’ve been waiting for this for many years.”

“Yes I know. I see only vengeful spirits pass through these gates; into the realm of the living once more. What shall you do now?”

“Burn it down.”

“All of them, princess?”

“All of them.”

“They’ll all burn for what they did to me; men, women, children, all of them.”

The princess’s voice hissed the words in inimitable spite.

“Very well.”

The sentinel opened the gates of the cemetery and watched the princess leave. She
stepped out into the Salem streets smiling a witches smile and laughing a demons laugh.

[PaperGrace]

Your First Draft :: This Draft
Outline :: Book

Simply marvelous!

[PaperGrace]

Oct 11, 2012 16:18:34 GMT -5 flesheater said:

So I posted this on writingforums.com and had my butt handed to me...one critiqued it in 8 pages (it seemed) telling me what garbage this was and that I needed to try harder. I'll be damned if he wasn't right! I'm cureently rewriting this entire story and it's turning out much, much better.

Somehow I missed this post between the drafts! Amazing what we can do when pushed isn't it? I hope to find some time at some point to find a piece that I thought was 'finished' or at least 'fine' and really give it a good airing--put it up in front of as many firing squads as I can--see where it might go. (Unfortunately finishing things is not my forte, so we'll see how long it takes me to actually do this in reality. )

[flesheater]

Oct 12, 2012 17:04:40 GMT -5 PaperGrace said:

Your First Draft :: This Draft
Outline :: Book

Simply marvelous!

I comprehend the end of this message but not the beginning haha!

As for your other comment...yes, having your ego shot to pieces is a great motivator. I wish everyone was brutally honest hahaha! I'm easily amused (one of my favorite films is The Evil Dead and I think it's amazing!) so I make a terrible critic. I've grown accustom to overlooking short comings and often don't think about certain things in my writing.

[scribbliz]

i have to admit, i wasn't able to read the second version. I read the first, thought the storyline was great, but i have this thing about bugs....things like maggots just....revolt me; I end up feeling like I have them crawling underneath my skin, and I wanna puke. So, I thought this was well done, but was unable to read the second version sorry I can't comment on that. well done though, i thought.

[PaperGrace]

Sorry, I didn't put it quite right anyway. I meant Your First Draft is to The Third Draft as an Outline is to a Finished Book. Totally remembered that it uses colons, but forgot the proper layout.
1st Draft::3rd Draft as Outline::Book.
So... er. I guess that was an extremely complicated way of saying "Wow, this version makes the first version look like a summary! Great job!"

[flesheater]

Scribliz you made my night haha!

Thanks PaperGrace! I'll be continuing my revisions next week...heard about a Halloween competition.