Fear of Finishing

[PaperGrace]

So... I've been seeing a counselor for depression, and today we talked a little bit about my fear of finishing things. For homework I'm supposed to do some "Shitty Writing" and then do some editing, but not perfect anything. The goal is to write something to its finish and be done with it even if I'm not satisfied with the end product.

Well then.
Wish me luck.

[PaperGrace]

Sept 3, 2012 8:38:08 GMT -5 PaperGrace said:

I have not ruled out the idea that The Doctor does in fact see something that I don't. *shudder*

I would like that Grey. Then you can teach me how you do it, and maybe some day I'll finish something! I'm thinking that when I sit down to write my brain must reject anything that will need much revision, like a lazy kid that only wants to put together puzzles he's done a dozen times rather than try something new. This leaves me with writers block or 'permission' to write some little short thing totally off topic. I need to learn how to actually write what I intend. I want to be in charge sometimes! I'm so jealous of writers who have vision and follow through. I feel like any of my successful pieces are just luck.

Sept 3, 2012 9:01:59 GMT -5 PaperGrace said:

Sept 2, 2012 19:08:42 GMT -5 readilygrey said:

You must do the bulk of your editing before your fingers touch the keyboard

Sept 3, 2012 8:38:08 GMT -5 PaperGrace said:

I'm thinking that when I sit down to write my brain must reject anything that will need much revision, like a lazy kid that only wants to put together puzzles he's done a dozen times

These are the same thing, aren't they?

When I read your comment the first time I thought of it as 'writing a rough draft in my head', and then revising it when I wrote it down. That would be amazing. I totally wish I could do that. Instead it's like some insidious inner editor that only allows me to write safe things. It's unconscious too, and I don't know how to turn it off.

I guess that's part of why I'm here. To learn how to write from scratch. To engage fully in the process. If I want to be a real writer I need to fix this.

I knew we'd talked a little about this, I'm pasting these here for now. I think I'll write some of it down for Dr. C.

[scribbliz]

hey PaperGrace! is there a reason that you feel afraid to finish things? For me it was both a fear of failure, and a fear of success. I dealt with the first by realizing that the only true failure was to not really try. The second has been a lot harder to deal with. I've tried hard to focus on what I'm doing now, instead of focusing on the "maybes" and "what ifs".
Some of what I've written lately has been scary for me, has felt way too personal. But I'm trying hard to push past that and write what I feel regardless of the voice that tells me it's too much or too me.