Bite of Urban Fantasy

[PaperGrace]

(As I mentioned in my Intro, I'll be posting a few of these small things I wrote a long time ago. Be patient with the young woman who wrote them... )

Maybe it was the fever...


I was walking up Main Street today, my coat flapping in the wind--eyes squinting to keep out the dust, when I saw a man. He seemed South American to me, of one of the many cultural groups that have been scattered and gathered together again, many with divers customs and unique tongues, now seen as the 'Indigenous Tribes' of the region, as though they were one people; me with no better understanding than another.

He beamed and asked me how I was doing. I smiled and said "Very well! And you?" He said he was good. His smile grew and I tried harder to focus on him in the wind. He wore a brimmed hat, and held a tightly rolled brochure of some kind to his chest. He smiled as I turned away and added quietly "but I have a pain inside." I turned back to him, unsure if I heard him properly. His face gave away nothing, and I moved on. Wishing I were on my own time instead of hurrying to the bank to get change for the cash register I tried to figure out the strange feeling spreading to my fingertips. I glanced behind me again, but the man was gone.

On the way back from the bank I searched the alleys for dandelions, deciding that this stranger needed cheering, feeling that I would see him again. There were none to be found. I got back to the place where I had encountered this strange smiling and pained man and saw a feather sticking straight up in the ground where he had been standing. It was a whitish feather with black and brown spots on it, not the dirty looking feather of a gull, but more of a pinto-look. I smiled and picked imaginary flowers from the five directions, laying them at the base of the feather. Feeling full I walked the last block to the restaurant, a dandelion at every step.

[Freedom]

I want to know the rest, very much.

I liked, '"but I have a pain inside"' as he turns away, it changes the whole picture in just a phrase.

[readilygrey]

This snippet is very intriguing. Cultural anthropology was one of my favorite classes in college, so my attention was grabbed from the start. Dandelions was an interesting choice of flower. Very thought provoking for how short this is. I would also like to read more. ;D

[carrieon]

Like it, like it! Is it the start to a short story? In paragraph one, I think you mean diverse (forgot the "e"). I wasn't totally clear on the last part of the last sentence in paragraph one. I think I know what you were saying, but "than another" seems a bit vague. Maybe "than anyone else" or just "than that"..... not sure, just stumbled on that bit. Intriguing scenario here, the exotic mixed with the mundane (Main Street, dandelions)... does make you want to read more, so it must be good! Do you have more to it, or is this all you wrote?

[PaperGrace]

It is a lightly-fictionalized real thing that happened to me, and has become part of the cosmology of my not quite realized fantasy setting. I've never been quite sure where I wanted to go with this part, but I'm starting to feel it out.

I do need to make the end of the first paragraph a little more clear. I wanted to express that MC (really me in this case, but meant to be able to be someone else if turned into a story) wasn't any more knowledgeable about this man's culture than the people who lump all indigenous cultures into one; but without being too wordy about it, or drawing the reader out of the scene at hand. I remember changing it from 'than anyone else' to 'than another', and I can't remember why. Maybe I thought it sounded more deep. It was a decade ago.

;D

Quick Note to Self:
Tie this to The Justinian and the down-fluff that even strangers notice in his wake.

Note to Everyone Else, Regarding 'Note to Self':
Are angels overdone? That might be the direction I head in--or similar. Not strictly Judeo-Christian, more in a "These beings exist, and religions try to explain them." sort of way.