Another Stab at a Wedding Poem!

[Sparrow]

Okay, I'm ditching the Shades of Love poem. I just don't like it that much. I thought I'd write about Nantucket Island, as that is where they are getting married, and it is a place that is very special to them. This is my first (rough, rough) draft-

This Island

Asleep and cradled by the sea,
reposed amidst the heaving swells,
her breath infused with wild sweet pea,
her glinting gaze of scallop shells...
Upon this island's windswept moors,
and narrow lanes of cobblestone,
a salted mist of love endures
through tufted dunes with grasses blown.

Beneath this island's sapphire sky,
or blanketed with billowed grey,
where tern and sea gull wheel and cry,
her spell is cast with fine sea spray.
Here on her shore, in love we stand-
our life begins, and all that we
will be shines like this graceful land,
beguiling gem of timeless sea.

[PaperGrace]

What a brilliant idea! Not your average wedding reading!

I had a hiccup at this part:

Here on her shore, in love we stand-
our life begins, and all that we
will be shines like this graceful land,
beguiling gem of timeless sea.

[Sparrow]

That's an enjambment - it's all in the reading of it.... read it as if it's all on one line.

and all that we will be

Not an average wedding reading, no. I want it to be something different, and to reflect on the island itself, since they chose there to be married. Maybe it is too short?? Not sure.

[PaperGrace]

I didn't know the name for those. I got that it was one fluid line, I just don't know how it sounds when you're reading it aloud, whether it interrupts the flow or not. I don't think it is too short, but it might be nice to take a minute and do a little lead in before you launch into the piece. I always think it weird at weddings when the reading isn't printed in the program, and the person just jumps up, reads a thing, sits down. I'm left thinking: Who are you? Did you choose the poem or did the bride and/or groom? Whatzat? It's a JayZ song? Where am I and who are all these people?

[Sparrow]

Yes, good idea, pg! I do need to introduce myself, say that this is a poem that I wrote for them, and say something nice before I launch into the reading. You're so right about that, thanks for reminding me! I dunno, when I read it aloud it sounds fine. I use enjambment a lot, so I'm used to reading a poem that uses this device. I have a few more people I know who are reading for me, so I will see what everyone has to say about that part. Thanks for reading and for your valuable input! ;D

[Freedom]

You've captured many lovely images of Nantucket (been there once, will never forget it). I love

'blanketed with billowed grey'

[Sparrow]

Thanks, Freedom, I love Nantucket too! It was a beautiful wedding, and they loved my poem! I put it in a frame with a picture from Nantucket, and I decorated the frame with seashells and wrapped that up, put it in with their wedding gift. Hope they will enjoy having it framed. Thanks for your comments and support, both of you!

[scribbliz]

I'm really glad they enjoyed your poem. It's a beautiful piece

[thecatsmother]

Hi Sparrow ;D

That's a wonderful poem. So evocative and I'm not surprised the bride and groom were so pleased!

I'd love to go to Nantucket one day, it sounds so interesting as well as scenic.

[Sparrow]

Thanks for your support and encouragement, all!