Reviews, comments, etc.

[readilygrey]

I was wondering if anyone else has any experience with a certain situation. I have never attempted any type of actual publication, but I have posted three fan fiction stories, and a dozen or so original fiction stories elsewhere on the internet. The whole point of this is so that other people will read, and hopefully enjoy them. But the process makes me crazy, and a bit ashamed of myself.

When I'm finishing the final draft I start getting some sort of performance anxiety. It becomes difficult to even LOOK at the document, let alone edit it. I am so worried that it's terrible, and that I'm going to disappoint the people that liked my other work.

Then after I post the story I go through this panicky period where I'm waiting for comments. I keep trying not to obsessively refresh the comment screen, but I end up doing it more often than I care to admit.

Then when the comments do appear--it's like some kind of drug. I feel like dancing around and cheering, and the level of excitement seems like it can't possibly be healthy.

I get nervous about responding to the comments though. I never know what to say, but I want to be polite, and make it not seem like I'm just saying "thank you" fifty times. I'm socially awkward to start with, and lack impulse control. I don't want my personality to affect someone's enjoyment of my work.

Occasionally I become competitive. I try so hard not to do this, and when it happens I feel deeply ashamed of myself. If I read a story that I feel is not as well written as mine, I have compared the story's likes/kudos and comment count to mine. THIS IS SO WRONG. We are all story tellers, making the world better by filling it with our unique contributions to art, and wonder, and the imagination--and here I am turning it into an ugly competition. It also hurts me directly because it causes me to attach numbers to my sense of artistic worth.

I've seen writers disable comments, and sometimes I think they have the right idea. I feel pressured to hurry up and write three things right now because people have made requests that I do so. It feels like work--which I guess it is, but I miss when it felt like a personal hobby. On the other hand, I when someone who doesn't know me, has no obligation to ever contact me, tells me some amazing compliment about how they've read my story over and over, and how much it meant to them, etc. I feel like I actually accomplished something.

Overall, I think comments send my natural anxieties into a frenzy. I feel undeserving, and ungrateful, and needy, and excited, and just TOO MANY THINGS at once. I start thinking things like "I'm too neurotic to be a writer."

I have recently tried meditating. I'm thinking specific music, or mantras might help. I just have so little confidence that my reaction to positive feedback seems inappropriate to me.

I would LOVE to hear how other people handle this kind of thing.

[boyswillbeboys]

I am the same way when I publish anythign online, though the reviews are usually pretty good. I have no clue how to handle it, except to physically leave the computer for several hours, and not worry to much about responding to the reviews, I would however say thank you at the beginning of each piece that I post, not individually but as a whole.

[scribbliz]

hey readily; I read your post a bit ago, but haven't replied because I wanted to take time to think about my response. When it comes to something I've posted here, I'm actually less obsessive; I think because I trust everyone here to be honest and kind at the same time. Feedback here has always been amazing, and often helps me work through my piece if it's still in it's rough form. I've posted a couple things elsewhere, and in one place I have to limit how often I check to no more than once an hour. though with that one, it's not really for comments, just for how many people have read it. it's kind of interesting to watch those numbers climb.

when it comes to your final draft, first, know you aren't alone. as I approach the end of each draft it gets harder and harder to write. reaching the end of my first draft on The Spark was really hard; the last couple chapters took me almost a month to START. and then I had to start editing, and again, the first part was much easier than the last part, and each consecutive draft got harder and harder. the only thing that helped me get through it, was to plan one more draft after the one I was doing, even if it didn't need it. when I reached the end of the last draft, I told myself that I could do another draft if I needed to. So my "final draft" didn't actually have to be the final draft. Which is good, because I've gotten some more feedback, and am starting another draft of it, with plans for one more after this one (just so this one isn't my final).