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Post by PaperGrace on Jul 29, 2012 21:10:52 GMT -5
(As I mentioned in my Intro, I'll be posting a few of these small things I wrote a long time ago. Be patient with the young woman who wrote them...  )for my Beloved The Moon? yeah... When? dunno... One of these days we'll go. Honest. Walking secret paths on well known sidewalks we smile shy smiles and hold hands like children, sometimes stopping to pull each other near, faces almost touching, "hi" a smile, "hi" I breath you in, we continue on our way, boots stirring the leaves at our feet, we pause and stand in the same space, my hands in your coat for warmth, whispering our secret names, resting our heads together, our eyes make love, the light drizzle drips from your nose and down my cheek, you laugh and pull your coat around us tighter, it always rains when we're together...
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Post by PaperGrace on Jul 29, 2012 21:14:13 GMT -5
Walking secret paths on well known sidewalks  Seriously Self? |
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Post by readilygrey on Jul 30, 2012 8:54:20 GMT -5
You've recaptured the feeling of new love well. I am guilty of reading fan fiction and a lot of people use the phrase "eye sex" and I never had any idea what they meant, lol. "Make love" sounds a lot nicer and is easier to understand, but I can see how it's a bit heavy of a metaphor. The breathing in part and the frequent stops brought back the most memories for me ;D
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Post by PaperGrace on Jul 30, 2012 10:14:08 GMT -5
I wrote that a decade ago (and NOT about the man who became my Husband ). Since becoming a mother I have had the same sort of meeting of souls via eye contact and I would definitely NOT describe it as 'our eyes making love'. It fit the situation/relationship at the time--but mainly as a clumsy way of describing something intangible. I can do better. I hope. ;D
Fan fiction + 'eye-sex' = PaperGrace tittering. I've often considered writing erotica, less because I have a drive to, and more because I'm annoyed by some of what I read. I imagine it can be difficult to describe the same body parts and/or acts over and over, keeping things fresh. Repeatedly encountering phrases like 'milky-white-orbs' and the like makes me want to tear my eyes out.
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Post by Freedom on Jul 30, 2012 19:24:04 GMT -5
Young love is sweet.
Ditto re erotica lol
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Post by readilygrey on Jul 30, 2012 20:51:36 GMT -5
There are a lot of things I've read in erotica that make me cringe, lol. Such as men that "mewl" in bed, really? It makes me laugh and kills the mood. Sadly I've read that many, many times. I've never been fond of eyes being referred to as orbs, in addition to other body parts. "Her blue orbs darkened with passion" etc. Really, the word orb just isn't very sexy. There was a story I read once where someone took all the worst phrases and exaggerated them, then comprised the entire story out of it. It was really crude but so funny, I was crying with laughter while I read it  |
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Post by Sparrow on Aug 30, 2012 20:41:37 GMT -5
Love it! It is descriptive, but it shows rather than tells.... I can picture the scene perfectly. This couple must be very young, and I picture them good-looking. This would be a marvelous start to a novel. Do we get to read more about this couple??  |
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Post by PaperGrace on Aug 31, 2012 10:29:28 GMT -5
We were quite good looking in our youth. I don't think that 'My Beloved' would mind being fictionalized a bit and put into stories. We're still close friends.
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)
Seriously Self?
